Tonight On The Mike Malloy Show

It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.”
-Mark Twain

Well, now we know. Thank goodness, too. For the past seven years it’s just been driving me crazy. How in the world did WTC number 7 manage to collapse if it was not hit by anything during the 9/11 attack and no explosives were set deliberately. Sheesh, what a mystery . . .

Well, a report by engineers at the National Institute of Standards and Technology in suburban Washington was released today and the cause was . . . a fire 400 feet away. Yeah. There you go. A fire up the street a ways. Got it. Wow. So simple. How’d I miss it? I’m embarrassed. According to the New York Times today ” . . . investigators determined that debris from the falling twin towers ignited fires on at least 10 floors at 7 World Trade Center, which was about 400 feet north of where the city’s two tallest buildings once stood. The blazes burned out of control for six hours, as the city fire department, devastated by the collapse of the twin towers, abandoned its efforts to extinguish the fire, and the sprinkler system was incapacitated.”

The report continues: “The heat from these fires, the investigators said, caused the beams on the lower floors of the east side of the tower to expand, ultimately causing a girder on the 13th floor to disconnect from a critical interior column that supported the building’s long floor spans. Once the 13th floor gave way, a cascade of floor failures started down to the fifth floor, leading to the overall collapse of the tower.”

All righty, then. Case closed. Turns out the whole shebang is exactly what our Dear Leaders have been telling us all along. Whew . . . what a relief, too. Impossible to imagine that our Dear Leaders would, well, you know, make shit up. Try to confuse us. And, anyway, ya’ gotta ask yourself, why in the world would they do that??

So, all you conspiracy theorists, time to move on. Nothin’ to see here. Let’s go. Keep the traffic moving. C’mon. Don’t make me say it again. Head ’em up and move ’em out.

What else ya’ got? Obama picked his running mate yet? Boy, the Chinese are sure kickin’ our asses in the gold medal department, right? Hey, did you hear what that crazy old coot Lieberman said today . . .?

– MDM

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