Tonight On The Mike Malloy Show


So, thanks to the Christian Evangelical Crazy People in Georgia the Democrats will not have their hoped-for, prayed-for, (please, Jesus, let us have just this one thing and we’ll never bring up the priests-screwing-children thing again, promise!) 60 seat filibuster-proof super-majority in the Senate. Which means the Democrats will have to conduct themselves like Republicans and actually kick ass and browbeat and curse and threaten and hold press conferences and call down the Fires of Righteous Damnation on the Republicans when they, the Democrats, want to end the gibbering bullshit that will come erupting from the purty mouths of the Republicans when they want to stop legislation that might actually help the country recover from 24 years of unmitigated hell.

The Senate Democrats find themselves yet again cowering in the corner, whimpering, sucking their thumbs, acting like abused children or battered spouses because Democratic challenger Jim Martin was defeated by the incumbent Republican Saxby Chambliss. (Oh, help us, someone! Please! The Republicans are going to HURT us. Again.)

But . . . Martin’s defeat may be a good thing. See, it’s like this: Georgia may be a seriously fucked-up Confederate hold-out State, but, my god, even Georgia Democrats wouldn’t want someone like Jim Martin elected to the U.S. Senate. I mean, Martin is a monster! A drooling, corpse-abusing ghoul! He steals money from blind crippled widows! He beats children who are warehoused in “juvenile homes” when he thinks no one’s watching and the surveillance cameras are turned off! He had sex with his own mother! Consensual sex, for chrissakes! He’s an arsonist! He sets fires to old folks’ homes and then stands in the street laughing hysterically as the fire department tries valiantly to rescue choking, burning 80-year-olds! He releases rodents into synagogues and mails packages of bacon to mosques! He eats live bugs! His immediate family are all Scientologists! He wants to tax orgasms – twice, if their caused by masturbation! He wants to force abortions on every 14-year-old girl in Georgia – even if they’re not pregnant!!! He hates Jesus, really hates him! And his mother Mary! He captures stray dogs and sets them on fire! He’s a Communist and wants to force schoolchildren to become Wiccans!!!!!!!

I mean, HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, you’re wondering, right? where I got all this secret information about this terrible man. I mean, half this shit is too scary even for the police to investigate. Well, I’ll tell you where. From Saxby Chambliss, that’s from where. Our newly reelected, Christian (Baptist, right Saxby?) family-loving, church-going, hearth-loving, down-home, god-fearing Saxby By God Chambliss!!!! Ol’ Saxby had all this and more in his political ads against the drooling bastard Jim Martin. Ol’ Saxby had to let the good and decent citizens of Georgia know what he knew all along: The only thing standing between a stuttering, fanged, demon like Jim Martin and his planned blood orgy of destruction on the one hand and, on the other, the peace-loving, god-fearing citizens of this once and future hovel of dedicated Rebels (YEEEEEEEEEEE-HAWWWWWWWW) was, and is, ol’ Saxby Chambliss, United States Senator!

So, that funny Jew up in Minnesota who’s trying to steal that State’s Senate seat from the Honorable Norman Coleman – a not funny Jew – ought to shut up and sit down or sit shiva or go back to Jew York City and do that nasty-ass, anti-Sarah-Palin abomination, Saturday Night Live again (as if) and let the Senate once more rest comfortably in the hands of The Righteous because ain’t gonna be no goddam filibuster-proof super-majority in this Senate or any Senate, ever. Least not a Democrat one.

Now, what else you wanna talk about?



One Response

  1. Well your post seems to have captured the zeitgeist here in GA rather well.

    Chambliss’ tv ads against Martin were almost laughable with their ridculousness and scare tactic madness…you’ve done even better than the original. You obviously heard that Rove was spied lurking behind Saxby’s curtain, as expected.

    And yes, I did hear some people here say that they would vote for Martin – Except for checks & balances…that little thing we were set up to profit by and which has devolved into all you describe.

    So thanks for your unusually insightful post about the non-Republicans of us here in GA who are surrounded by deep merde…must be the Red clay.


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